Strawberry Moon

~To have someone understand your mind is a different kind of intimacy.~ author unknown

It’s taken me a couple of decades to realize a fundamental truth about myself and my life. When I found myself standing in the abyss of utter darkness, alone, I came to the stark realization that I have never truly been tethered to any one person. That’s not to say that I haven’t had incredibly profound connections with people, for I absolutely have; yet, I’ve always been just out of reach. A breath away. A step too far. A moment too late.

I am connected by so many chords linked by the hand, but other than a select few, none from the heart.

As my truest friend has said, I’m kind of an enigma. I’m here, but I’m not. I’m always accessible and available for everyone, but I rarely allow anyone to be there for me. I know people’s life stories and deepest secrets, yet few even know the slightest truth about who I am. I give rather than receive and I am fiercely protective of my solitude. I have closed the door on trust. I have closed the door on need. I have closed the door on vulnerability. And in so doing, I think I fundamentally closed all doors to deeper connectivity with many because my bubble was….well, mine. And safe.

For you see, my inner circle is small. Minuscule actually. I’m surrounded by so many individuals, but only a select few know the real me. People think they know me or believe they know nothing at all. Truth be told, there is only one person who knows the real me and she knows me so well that sometimes I truly think she knows me better than I know myself. She has rattled my walls and has forced me to accept certain truths. She has forced me to accept vulnerability. She has forced me to accept trust. She has forced me to accept compliments.

She has forced me to accept the power of intimacy.

And in so doing, she planted a seed.

She made me realize how much I’ve been missing and where I need to grow and flow. And I accepted the concept of flowing. Of trusting the process.

And then a little extra magic occurred. Some pixie dust sprinkled at the craziest moment in my life….a point in time where I finally settled, content with my nook in the corner of my heart, settled and at peace.

I call it magic because I believe that the universe is a powerful force and when we are aligned on the right path and receptive to receiving the very things our souls need, it can only be magic. Some call it divine timing. Some call it synchronicities or serendipity. Some call it universal messages and laws.

I call it magic. The kind of perfect song at the perfect time, fireflies in the night lighting your way, a strawberry full moon-lit night kind of magic.

A force of energy entered my realm in the most unexpected way. In the only way I think the universe knew I would accept and be receptive to. Someone knocked on a metaphorical door and I opened, completely unprepared for the frequency I would be tuned into.

And I am so grateful for this soul.

People will interpret this as they wish, and I care not in defending it. It is what it is and all that matters is that I value it. It holds weight in my world…and that is a rarity. And more importantly, life is short and truth matters. Saying what needs to be said, before you regret never saying it at all, is integral to feeding the human soul.

Time is a construct and means nothing to me anymore. Case in point, there are people who have known me for decades, but know nothing of me at all. And others who have tuned into my life and have instantaneously earned a corner of my heart.

This ninja soul leaped in and forced me to think in different ways. To be willing to receive and not just give. To trust a different kind of process and breathe a little deeper. The connection is what it is…there’s no quantifying it because connections are forever evolving; however, the gifts left behind or as a result of these connections is the true blessing. It’s been a slow and steady journey, powerfully unique and profound.

To my ninja soul...

Thank you for being you. For the trust. For the time. God knows for the patience.

Thank you for the laughs. For the push and pull. For the calling me out when needed (but always with kindness and knowing just how far to go).

Thank you for the music. For the voice that feels like home. Thank you for loving my words and saying them back to me when I needed them the most.

Thank you for the strawberry full moon and superpower secrets. For knowing just when to distract and when to feed my soul. Thank you for supporting my quirks and more importantly, my art and my words.

Thank you for standing in the grass and trusting the process. For catching me before I flew away. For sharing your pain, your truth, your fears and then forcing me to do the same.

Izzzz all good my friend. You truly are remarkable. You keep leaping, jumping and somersaulting all you need, I will stand by your side one way or another. Because you are worth it. All heart. Genuine and true.

Sab

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